Our Internal Dialogue’s, Part 2: How to quiet the chatter in our heads

How to clear the ‘internal dialogue’, better known as ‘chatter’, in our heads

I wrote earlier that the chatter in our heads can be as distracting as any external annoyance, and more anxiety-provoking than the actual fear. Our ability to self-soothe, through calm and reassuring self-talk, and re-direct our internal dialogue is vital and can make a big difference in completing tasks. In my earlier post on the subject, I mentioned a few ways to calm that chatter, but here I’ll describe three even more powerful tools. Okay, here we go:

The spiritual connection

Prayer is calming and channels our thoughts to a higher power, which is reassuring to know that the King of the Universe has you and your family’s back, and powerful in terms of God directly intervening and calming our thoughts, spirit, and situation. Memorizing scripture, such as cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you, 1 Peter 5:7, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, Philippians, 4:13, slows the chatter and fights those negative thoughts that counter our kid’s progress. God also seems to think that such contemplation it’s worthwhile and the-more-the-better, i.e. pray without ceasing, 1 Thessalonians 5:16.

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Our Internal Dialogue’s Impact on ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and Autism

Do you talk to yourself?

A young man named Ryan Langdon, from his post at InsideMyMind https://insidemymind.me/2020/02/05/how-my-internal-monologue-affects-my-attention-deficit-disorder/ wrote of his internal dialogue, as a person with ADHD, that he referred to as being hyper-neuro-vocal in that he tends to have hyper self-talk that interferes with his concentration. In his own investigation, he found that others with ADHD tend to get carried away in their hyper self-talk, while those without ADHD sometimes report not even being aware of any self-talk or internal dialogue (what he refers to as being hypo-neuro-vocal). In fact, Ryan speaks of the primary challenge, for him and his experience of ADHD, as being his internal dialogue that interferes with his concentration.

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Why Are ADHD Rates Rising: Exploring the Feminization of the Classroom

We know ADHD rates are increasing

We find the rate of ADHD increasing by upwards of 10% over the past ten years, and the boy/girl ratio is upwards of 3:1.


Maybe the rates are rising because practitioners are better at assessing and diagnosing this condition. Or, maybe the condition is actually increasing due to toxins in our environment or some other cause.


I wonder if we’re becoming less tolerant to the types of behaviors typical of boys?

The feminization of our schools, and society

My goal is not to be political, and maybe I’m off-base, unenlightened, and not entirely ‘woke’, but it’s hard not to see a war going-on against boys. I understand that girls have been stereotyped, and that is wrong, but I wonder if the pendulum has swung too far the other way? In that respect, boys seem to get the short-end of the stick across the board. The things that make boys, well, boys, are increasingly seen as negative, punishable, and are prohibited if the behaviors come from boys. Those traits that are seen as masculine are labeled as “toxic” and boys are compelled to be, well, more like girls. Ironically, girls are being taught to be more like boys, which is fine (I guess), so long as boys can also be like boys. When it comes to males, we are averse to anything rough-and-tumble, so to speak, in favor of those things compassionate, sensitive, and nurturing. There are zero-tolerance policies that tend to target boy-like behavior. We tend to avoid males competing or being adventurous. No more “conquering” our world and we don’t confront or have conflict but, instead we hug, and God-forbid we play with toy guns, or even draw a gun, or pretend to be a cowboy, don’t dare draw a picture of a tank blowing something up, no more dodge-ball, and everyone has to win. Instead, we have to sit, pay attention, be quiet and mindful of our manners, and control our impulses for an increasingly longer period of time. It’s a world tailor-made for girls, but not-so-much for boys.

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Relationship: The Foundation of Discipline

Parenting tips, advice, discipline

Written by Dr. John Carosso

The discipline trap

How beneficial is time-out, taking away the TV, or ‘grounding’ a child from going outside? Of course, as most parents have come to find, all of these discipline strategies can be effective. However, what happens if you rely too heavily on these strategies? Well, first, your household can become like a gulag; not too pleasant. Second, you and your child will be miserable. Third, the discipline strategies become less effective.

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The Softer and Closer Approach

Parenting Approach Softer and Closer

Written by Dr. John Carosso

How it all began

Many years ago, starting out as a Psychologist, I came across a Principal who established a ritual with his teachers. At the conclusion of every morning meeting, he would huddle the teachers together and lead a chant “softer and closer” repeated four to five times, before sending the teachers off to their students.

Repeat after me…

I am hard pressed to contemplate a more significant or relevant mantra for teachers or parents. I have espoused the “softer and closer” approach since that time, and can think of no better way to connect with a child. Getting on the child’s level, moving-in close, and speaking in a soft tone, if not a whisper, is remarkably powerful, comforting, and bonding for a child in any situation, but especially when the child is experiencing a difficulty and needs supportive guidance.

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Are Your Kids “Lazy” or Are They Being Lazy?

Tips for Parents

Written by Dr. John Carosso

Subtle difference?

Well, it’s really not so subtle. It’s the difference between labeling your child, or simply describing an annoying and transient behavior.

What’s the big deal?

When we call our kids “lazy,” “rude,” “liars,” “thieves,” or whatever, we are defining their character, and suggesting that this is their enduring quality. Okay, so now you’re saying, well, they are! That may be true, but I’ll bet you can think of lots of times when your child is motivated, nice, told the truth, and did not steal. Even if the particular behavior is somewhat enduring, your child is still young; their personality is molding and shaping, and you’re in a strategic position to help shape it in the right direction.

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Preparing for ‘Back to School’

Back to School tips

Written by Dr. John Carosso

Yes, it’s that time

It’s that ‘back to school’ time. Yes, it’s sad to see the summer coming to a close and definitely time to get back to the school routine.

Summer vs. School Routine

Need I mention the difference between summer and school-year routines? If you start about 2-3 weeks out, it’s much easier to ship your kids into shape. Otherwise, it’s a culture-shock for your child, and not too pleasant for you either.

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Comparing Autism Treatments: The Relationship Builders vs The Skill Developers

Therapy options for Autism

Written by Dr. John Carosso

What are some of the primary treatment modalities for Autism?

One of the biggest challenges facing a parent of a child with autism is, what’s the most effective form of treatment? The choices seem endless and differentiating one from another can be a daunting task. Parents often rely on therapists to know and carry-out these programs, but many parents want to learn as much as they can and be in the best position to help their child. The most common treatments include speech/language and occupational therapy, counseling (for higher-functioning kiddos), and social skill groups. However, from that point onward, to choose between the options can be quite overwhelming.

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Let’s Talk About How We Diagnose And Treat Autism Part III: Treatment of More Severe Autism

More Severe Autism Treatment

Written by Dr. John Carosso

Where we left off

We spent the past few posts discussing the diagnosis and treatment of mild autism. By the way, your subsequent comments and questions have been remarkable and very thought-provoking; thank you. At this point, you already know the general signs and symptoms of autism (if not, just check-out any number of my prior posts at helpforyourchild.com), so let’s transition to a discussion about the treatment of more notable autism. In that respect, as a parent, if you have good practitioners to help, that’s great, but you don’t want to be completely dependent on therapists for your child’s well-being. If you know the following two approaches, you will, in fact, be quite prepared and capable.

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